Published in the wee hours of July 29, 2004
I know things haven’t been going the way we’d like, and right now nothing is certain except for the friendship we’ve had all these years. Still, I wish you all the best on your 25th birthday and hoping for a shower of blessings in the years to come. May you reach your goals and find the happiness that you truly deserve.
I’ll smile when I see you smile.
I’ll always be here for you.
Monch, maligayang kaarawan.
***
With or Without You
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you
2 Replies·
2004.07.29
Published in the late afternoon of July 26, 2004
Now I understand. I used to wonder why bloggers write too much emotional details, exposing themselves to the world. Suddenly I know, it’s called life. At some point, you experience life so differently that the flux of emotions is so overwhelming it leaves you breathless. You feel like you have nothing and have nowhere to go, and only faith in a greater being more powerful than you survives your storm. You get back up, now knowing that you are just a part of someone’s masterplan. You always have a choice, but you bear every consequence of your decision. But confidently you stand, knowing you are provided with everything you’ll need to face all tribulations. Yes, you have what you need.
25 is such a turbulent time. Quarterlife crisis, as someone suggested. All around me, friends and family are suddenly facing life–changing crossroads that I (and they) never expected. Without warning, life isn’t just about me. The world is much bigger now, it’s no longer just you and me, it’s beyond us. Relationships fall apart, and new ones grow. Moments end, yet memories live on. Suddenly, we’re walking on unchartered paths with unsure confidence toughened by a past filled with success and tragedies. Without question, life really goes on. I know someday, we will all find the reason for every event in our lives.
***
Recent events in my life has showed me the beauty of friendship. Wonderful words of encouragement drowned me in a sea of comfort, with random friends sending messages through email, weblog comments and SMS. Knowing that others feel your pain is comforting, and having friends you can talk to, and listen to what you say (but not necessarily agree) helps a lot in releasing the flood of contradicting emotions that drown you. I couldn’t say it in any other way but simply, “thank you, I’ll treasure what you’ve done for me for the rest of my life.”
****
Mommy, happy birthday!
9 Replies·
2004.07.26
Published around lunchtime of July 25, 2004
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin’ hands, sayin’ “How do you do?”
They’re really saying “I love you”
I hear babies cryin’, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Oh yeah
***
“What a wonderful world,” made famous by Louis Armstrong. It’s a nice Sunday.
3 Replies·
2004.07.25
Published in the early morning of July 14, 2004
For the past seven and a half years, I’ve been steering my train through life’s ups and downs. Never an easy ride ride, and the tracks lead to everywhere—from cool Sunday afternoons, to dark and cold sleepless nights. Everything that came my way, I knew I could take it all. Whatever the challenge, I felt I had the most important tool for the job. I had one passenger beside me, and she was all I needed. She gave me love and strength, and the power to overcome all trials that rain on me. To put it simply, she was my life.
All these years, my train just went chugging along, reaching both ends of the spectrum of human emotions. And I had her. She was the meaning of my life and I knew it, yet I hardly noticed it. I was living my life, but I didn’t know I was not just living it for myself, but living it more for the most important person in my life.
Then came the crossroad. My train had to stop, then a blur of events. All of a sudden, my only passenger wants to get off. She wants out, and it came like lightning.
To catch another train or steer her own, explanations left unsaid. I never saw it. After all, she was my everything, and I could face all tribulations with her mere presence. With her mere presence.
She stepped down, but I must get back to my ride. Everything lost its meaning, I could hardly start the engine and man the controls. Train wouldn’t move, or maybe I wouldn’t move. I glanced behind my shoulders, and suddenly saw familiar faces on the seats behind me. My mother, my sister, the rest of my family. And old friends. All were in this ride since the beginning, yet I chose to find meaning and strength from only one person. They were all just there, praying for the best, even if I hardly noticed them, if at all.
Now I know, this isn’t just my train, and the journey cannot stop even without her. The world is waiting, and the rest of my life beckons. Once in a while, at some stop or station, I may not help it but pause for a moment and wait for her briefly. Hard as it may be, life goes on.
20 Replies·
2004.07.14
Published in the early afternoon of July 7, 2004
Yes I haven’t been writing. Sorry. I’m at an emotional and spiritual crossroad in my life, even professional. I wish blogging will make me feel alright, but right now it doesn’t. Honestly, nothing puts me at peace at this point; nothing except prayers and the wonders of faith. And your solacing voice that makes me stronger, your beautiful face that could launch a war, but most of all your lasting love that soothes my soul.
I guess some episodes of our lives are meant to happen, not for better, not for worse—just the way life is. Pray, and believe “thy will be done,” as God has said.
Words of inspiration and comments are always welcome, but silent prayers are much more appreciated.
P.S. I’ve got the measles, so I’m not physically any better right now.
8 Replies·
2004.07.07
Published in the wee hours of July 1, 2004
I just added a new feature to my photo album publishing app, iPAP: Labels. Sort of like the way gmail uses labels, but was really inspired by Photoshop Album’s “tagging” technology. Nothing fancy really, just a simple way of categorizing your photo albums.
Categorization—probably one of humanity’s most difficult tasks to complete. Try doing that to your music/MP3 collection. See? But for photos, instead of putting each album into a separate box like “birthdays,” just stick those little post-it notes. Now you can label it “birthday,” “daddy,” and “2004.” Now you have no reason why you can’t find anything. 
This feature is still not in the downloadable package from the project’s page, the interface still needs some re-thinking to use it easily. And I still have to fix other things like deleting albums + photos + uploads, in a more fool–proof way. But once I get to those things, expect a release in a few weeks, maybe in a few days. For now, try viewing albums in this label.
By the way, today marks the inauguration of the Philippines’ president. Another six years, I just hope she gives me a job.
9 Replies·
2004.07.01
