Moving on

For the past seven and a half years, I’ve been steering my train through life’s ups and downs. Never an easy ride ride, and the tracks lead to everywhere—from cool Sunday afternoons, to dark and cold sleepless nights. Everything that came my way, I knew I could take it all. Whatever the challenge, I felt I had the most important tool for the job. I had one passenger beside me, and she was all I needed. She gave me love and strength, and the power to overcome all trials that rain on me. To put it simply, she was my life.

All these years, my train just went chugging along, reaching both ends of the spectrum of human emotions. And I had her. She was the meaning of my life and I knew it, yet I hardly noticed it. I was living my life, but I didn’t know I was not just living it for myself, but living it more for the most important person in my life.

Then came the crossroad. My train had to stop, then a blur of events. All of a sudden, my only passenger wants to get off. She wants out, and it came like lightning.
To catch another train or steer her own, explanations left unsaid. I never saw it. After all, she was my everything, and I could face all tribulations with her mere presence. With her mere presence.

She stepped down, but I must get back to my ride. Everything lost its meaning, I could hardly start the engine and man the controls. Train wouldn’t move, or maybe I wouldn’t move. I glanced behind my shoulders, and suddenly saw familiar faces on the seats behind me. My mother, my sister, the rest of my family. And old friends. All were in this ride since the beginning, yet I chose to find meaning and strength from only one person. They were all just there, praying for the best, even if I hardly noticed them, if at all.

Now I know, this isn’t just my train, and the journey cannot stop even without her. The world is waiting, and the rest of my life beckons. Once in a while, at some stop or station, I may not help it but pause for a moment and wait for her briefly. Hard as it may be, life goes on.

21 Responses

  1. hey markku, this is a surprise. i thought it was ok from your previous posts. your train might go into a rollercoaster track for a while…hang in there 🙂

  2. Great post, and very well said. You surely know it’s not going to be easy, but your attitude is pointed in the right direction. Stay strong, and I wish the best for you. Also, while I’m at it, I really enjoy your website, it has truly helped me in more ways than one. Thank you.

  3. Tol, ngayon lang ako napadpad ulit sa site mo. Nakaka-iyak naman yun… Ganyan, talaga minsan. Pero tuloy ang byahe ng buhay…

    Anyway, paturo naman gumamit ng wordpress! 🙂

  4. Trebs, salamat sa pagdalaw sa site ko. Sana mapadalas ka! 🙂 May blog ka na rin pala, hayaan mo at mapapadalas ako sa site mo, pero buksan mo muna yung comments at hindi ako maka-post! Hehehe.

    Sige tulungan kita sa wordpress, minsan pag-usapan natin sa basketball, kaya maglaro ka naman! 🙂

  5. “Time heals all sorrows.”

    Happy to have you back. Missed you last Sunday (did you get my e-mail?). But, hey, we’ll set up another meet-up.

  6. Hey Markku, I thought you said only seven people visit your blog. I think you’ll find there’s an awful lot more than that. What’s that saying about a problem shared being a problem halved? All the best mate, I still visit your site nearly every day.

  7. Everyone, thanks for the words of encouragement and all your prayers.

    Sassy, got your emails. Just couldn’t make myself write back so quick. Nice to slowly move back into my online life. Let’s work on FPJ! 😉

  8. Markku,
    It doesn’t help to be told, “I feel you brother.” I know, but i feel you.
    here’s some reading to help you ease your mind if you are so inclined. Here’s a little more. And hereare two sources that these writings come from (one | two) should you feel like reading up on a huuuuge fan of yours.

    I am so sorry you are in pain.


  9. pre, ngaun lng ako nakapag-basa ng mga articles mo. and this article i can say na naka2-relate ako, although sa case ko nde pa bumababa ung important passenger ko.. 🙂

    ganyan lng tlaga ang buhay pre at naki2ta ko nman n kya mo ang pnagda2an mo 2ngkol sa bgay ng ito. if ever u nid anything (wag lng pera pre), i’d be willing to help and support u. gudlak and god bless!

  10. Sherwin, salamat sa comment mo pre. Matagal ko na naisulat to, lagpas two weeks ago na. Most of what I wrote was in a figurative way, and hardly parallel to the real world, at least for now. Friendship is the one thing you can never just throw away. Basta, tawag ka sa bahay para makapag-kwentuhan naman tayo minsan. Or sama ka sa basketball, may laro tayo sa sabado sa amphi.

    Thanks again. 🙂

  11. reg, thanks. Blogger ka rin pala? Link kita. 🙂

    Sad story nga talaga, though I know the Lord has another ending for me, and it will be a good and happy one.

  12. always remember that u are in the darkside ul always be like most of us… heheehe kaya mo yan mark. dont wori bout the future let the future wori itself.. regards to charla and to hannu. uv got the whole seguerra in ur side k??? god bless!!!

  13. Ey mark, watsUP? whatta wonderful site!
    Move on MOve ON and come to cebu, we have loads of surprises for you here. I think its time for you to explore things you werent able to do during that seven and a half year span. go markku!

  14. Hey cousins NiKK0n and pRiNgLez, nice to have you here! The darkside is so strong I can feel the force from the two of you emanating all the way from Cebu! 🙂

    Yes, I’ll try to visit you guys soon. Fritz, our family is one with your family in prayer. Everything is happening just as God has planned it. Keep the faith!

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